1992. I left China in a wheelchair and never had a chance to say goodbye to my friends or students. I was very sick. I was forced to go back to the US to regain my health. After I recovered, I immediately wanted to go back to China. God said no.
I asked again and again over the next three years. I got upset. I got angry with God. China was on my heart. I wanted to go back. One night, I demanded, why? Why can't I go back? I prayed my question again and again and again. Why, God, Why? Suddenly, shockingly loud, I heard, it's the wrong question.
I don't know if that was an audible voice or not, but it was loud. I was terrified. I, uh, fell to the floor on my face. I realized I had been rebelling against God for three years. I asked him to forgive me. He did. As I, uh, let go of my request and repented for my rebellion, God's peace flooded my life.
I didn't ask that question again. Two years later, I was back in China, in Hong Kong this time, and married to the love of my life. God couldn't work out his plan for my life until I surrendered my plans and my pursuits. What he had planned for me was so much better than what I wanted to do.
James 4:2 and 3 says, you do not have because you do not ask. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives. My point is we need God to guide us. We may not even know what the real problem is. Sometimes the problem is how we define the problem.
And sometimes we are praying for circumstances to change. When the problem is us, if we change, the problem will go away. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your path straight.